Mood Swings and the like
Jul. 18th, 2008 10:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
romyraI'm in a weird mood today. You know the ones where you wake up and think about how the people you know are doing and where you are in relation to them and how it all went to hell and you didn't even know. I guess it stems from seeing the ex-roommate last night when I went to throw out the trash. I didn't really see her so much as see the smiling boyfriend as he left her apartment. I felt all kinds of emotions that ranged from surprise that they are still to together and a bit of anger at how she could be so happy when I'm so miserable.
This morning I got to thinking about what I'd do if the people we knew in high school called me up for a get together. I thought about my responses ranging from asking if *SHE* was going to be there and saying no. I thought about how they used to go out together and no one ever called me. I thought about how we were never really friends if in 7 years hardly any one ever contacted me to say hey and I got so angry. Angry that I expected anything, angry that it makes me feel so down, angry that it even matters.
Most of it stems from being pretty unhappy in life in general. I feel as though I'm stuck in a rut that I just can't get out of. My job has faded into being a hated necessity. My lack of a social life has become a non issue since previously I'd go out and entertain myself but now I just stay at home and surf the 'net. I knew this would happen when I got broadband but mostly its because I feel pretty pathetic sitting in a cinema by myself with no-one to talk with, laugh with, mock with during the movie. Yes I do get out but lately its become a scheduling nightmare.
I feel really overweight and just not up to exercising.
I feel depressed about my hair.
I feel angry that I'm so miserable over things I have no control over.
I feel stupid for caring about trivialities
I feel really down.
This morning I got to thinking about what I'd do if the people we knew in high school called me up for a get together. I thought about my responses ranging from asking if *SHE* was going to be there and saying no. I thought about how they used to go out together and no one ever called me. I thought about how we were never really friends if in 7 years hardly any one ever contacted me to say hey and I got so angry. Angry that I expected anything, angry that it makes me feel so down, angry that it even matters.
Most of it stems from being pretty unhappy in life in general. I feel as though I'm stuck in a rut that I just can't get out of. My job has faded into being a hated necessity. My lack of a social life has become a non issue since previously I'd go out and entertain myself but now I just stay at home and surf the 'net. I knew this would happen when I got broadband but mostly its because I feel pretty pathetic sitting in a cinema by myself with no-one to talk with, laugh with, mock with during the movie. Yes I do get out but lately its become a scheduling nightmare.
I feel really overweight and just not up to exercising.
I feel depressed about my hair.
I feel angry that I'm so miserable over things I have no control over.
I feel stupid for caring about trivialities
I feel really down.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-19 01:39 pm (UTC)